The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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