Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
