So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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