Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize