If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize