I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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