Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Dear god my vagina.
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