I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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