It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
