so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize