it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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