i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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