8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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