i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize