you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
