she was so not down for the gang bang
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
bring money and cleavage
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
