i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
