I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize