I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
