I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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