Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
