Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just found a bag of teeth...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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