the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
