I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
