ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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