Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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