i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
