I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize