My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
