WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
