The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
as a side note pls kill me
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
