So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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