Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
