Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
