hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
