I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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