i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize