you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
