I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
