3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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