so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
