I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
