my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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