you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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