Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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