why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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