Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
