oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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