i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
