Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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