she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
