so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize