I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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