...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
