If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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