I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
