The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
