I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
