Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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