Ketchup is God's man juice
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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