Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
