So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
