Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
