remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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