if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
