I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
