Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
