when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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