Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
