You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize