fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
