It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
