I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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