why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
