I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
