he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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