My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
