everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
