So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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