there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
