i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
