My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
