There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
