This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
