Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
