wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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