i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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