Soap is not a condiment
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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