hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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