you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You may now shotgun with the bride
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
