8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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