There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize