i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize