Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
